A postcard from Hell

Aloyce J. M. Jr.–Staff Writer

So far, my life at Cornell had been exciting and—although my recent calamity and grieves have destroyed and reduced it to a ghost-like life—thinking about it will always evoke fond memories. At Cornell, I have learned to adjust myself and have come into physical contact with all the evils of scrutiny given to any opinions—no, a little bragging does not deserve such kind of opprobrium.

My recent article, “Corpulent Country,” has received the magnum scrutiny than I originally imagined. In my article, I wrote that the body of a human being could only process three to six grams of simple sugar at one time. The argument that I have mostly been hearing in regard to the article is that it is incorrect that the body of a human being can only process three to six grams of simple sugar at one time.

Let me be honest, if you walk into any gyms, you will arguably see countless people doing countless crunches in the quest of getting those coveted six-pack abs. However, you will be flabbergasted to see that almost none of those doing countless crunches are lean and have “real” visible abs. Why? Because, from my personal experience, six-pack abs are not made in the gym—yes, they are made in a kitchen. Why? Because whenever sugar is in the body of a human being, it stops the ability to release stored body fat for energy.

So what I am trying to say here? Well, all the hard work you do in the gym will never make you lean and get those six-pack abs until you remove sugar from your diet. Even if you always hit the treadmill, do endless crunches and cut your caloric intake, the truth is you will never ever get your desired results unless you always deplete your glycogen in every one of your workouts—which is unlikely if there is sugar in your body system.

Now, before you stop reading this article and start yelling at me, let me answer these two questions: What should you do then? What should you eat?

First and foremost, my disclaimer here is that I am neither a nutritionist nor an expert in this field; this is from my personal experience. To answer these questions, let me assume that your goals are to get lean and finally, get those coveted six-pack abs. If these are your goals, then my advice to you is: first, stop eating breakfast or only eat your breakfast after you have done your workouts. Second, revamp your eating style. Lastly, drink 1.5 liters of water every day immediately after you wake-up—yes, before you even brush your teeth.

Today, I will talk to about why you should stop eating your breakfast or only eat after you have done your workouts.

We all have heard from our great-great-grandparents that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. If I remember, I was told that breakfast would make you healthy, happy, ripped, jacked, lean, energetic, sexy and shiny. Most importantly, I was told that eating breakfast would help you not gain that extra pound of weight because breakfast does help your metabolism. Trust me, in my terrifying view, this is incorrect. If you observe these claims closely, you will learn that breakfast will help you from gaining weight because it will help you to not overeat.

Whether you would believe me or not, whenever you wake up in the morning, your body is a self-machine, primed to burn body fat. The awful thing you could do to yourself is to have a “typical” breakfast—a toast! Well, we all know how our brain functions better when we eat carbohydrates. And we all know that when your body gets into ketosis, things become ugly—you are tired and crabby. Believe me, you will be extremely irascible whenever your body senses that there is a foul activity to its stored body fat.

Whenever you wake up in the morning, your morning cortisol (I hope you know what cortisol is and if not, relax, I will explain it when I talk about the importance of drinking water whenever you wake up in the morning) level is very high. So, lets say you eat your morning toast with your Greek, low-fat yogurt (we all know the amount of sugar in yogurt that is more than grams) and you are at about 45 grams of simple carbohydrates. Due to these simple carbohydrates, your insulin level will rise for the rest of the day and guess what, you body will stop releasing stored body fat for energy—carbohydrates are the source of energy; we know this from sixth grade. By raising your insulin level due to carb intake, your body creates new fat cells, which lead to large body fat deposition. You could probably do yourself a favor by eating a non-carb breakfast—but this is probably a topic for another day.

So, this brings me to my last point that you could enjoy your morning breakfast after you have done your workouts. Why? If you open your laptop now and Google why eating carbs after you have worked out will cause your body to not store body fat, the ubiquitous answer would be that when you work out (with an empty stomach), your body uses your stored glycogen and/or stored body fat as energy. In addition, if your workout level is at, let’s say, 90 percent, you will most likely deplete your glycogen. At this point, your body is like a sponge—ready to absorb more glycogen. And since glycogen is stored and used as energy, this stored glycogen, stored during your breakfast, is going to be used as a source of energy for the rest of the day. Ergo, you will be at your best, ready to take off your shirt in public! Interesting, right?

Well, just remember that the person you are today, is who you “were” and not who “you are.” You could change that immediately! Remember what Henry Ford said: “Whether you believe you can or you can’t, either way, you are right!” In addition, this might sound to be impossible, hence, “A postcard from Hell.”

Released in print March 27, 2013.